Tonight, and for a few years now, I have witnessed the slow death of many many people. My grandfathers on both sides died young. 60 and 72. This seems a normal age range to die, but really its not. Both had smoked for 30+ years. Both had several forms of cancer when they died. My fathers dad I never really knew, but my mothers dad was close to me. it was sad for me for either of them to go, mostly for selfish reasons. But the worst part was that they both could have lived much longer...
My father now has one foot in the grave. Diabetes, alcoholism, and a long time smoker himself, he refuses to get better. At one point at least, it was a choice. Get better, or dont. I think now the choice has been made, and he is just waiting for the next thing that comes. Despite my many consults, he still chooses not to eat real food. He refuses to quit smoking. I have tried to help many times. Even took my mom grocery shopping once.. Nada
My soon to be mother in law was at the house today. She got onto the topic of diet, stating with absolute certainty that sweet potatoes are good for her (shes an insulin dependent diabetic). I said nothing. Many times my fiancee has asked me not to talk about exercise and nutrition to her family claiming that it wont help them. I am, after all not a doctor.
Its been a hot issue for me lately, because my own daughter is nearing 5 months old. My intended and I decided to start supplementing other foods into her diet. Until recently she was fed breast milk exclusively. We have her as her first meal avocado puree and breast milk. She loved it. Then, against my wishes, she gave her banana. And has since refused to give egg yolk, or liver, claiming that shes unsure they are safe. We argued tonight until her sister came home.
I feel abandoned. I feel disrespected. With all the nutritional research I have done, I fell I deserve at least a degree of say. But I guess I was being a "dickhead" because Im under the impression humans are carnivorous. And I dont want either of them to eat shit and die when they are 60.
I realized I wasn't really clear in what I was trying to say.
My point was that you don't have power or influence... you simply have knowledge.
The influence only comes from two things:
1. Your relationship and the trust put in you by your intended (arguing won't get you there) 2. Your ability to emotionally influence your intended to change her beliefs. (The truth/facts are only a small part of this. Stories, emotional arousal, appeals to authority, etc, all play a big role in this).
In other words, the fact that you're right doesn't give you the power to make your intended see that. Only by deliberately working on your relationship and influence do you earn that power.
Nothing is wrong with the banana. But to me at least, it seemed that we initially had an understanding that we would agree on which foods to give and when.
My point was, where is the line between stepping in and making your voice heard, or stepping back and doing nothing. The way I see it is this: if you know what you are doing is wrong, its time to step up. If you've done what you can as far as information is concerned, then take a step back.
I've gone through this experience many times. In most cases, I am unsuccessful in changing a person's eating habits, but having stated the facts, I am OK with that, even for those I love, at this point in my life.
In this sense, I advise becoming a lot sterner and cut throat in your statements. A recent example was with one of my sisters. She has had cancer repeatedly since high school, specific to women. She continually sees a doctor, has treatment, and it more or less goes away. Then years, or months later, it returns, and the process repeats itself.
The cancer returned again recently. She mentioned to me and how it was draining her financially. I flat out told her
A. Your cancer is primarily caused by diet, secondarily by a lack of Vitamin D, and thirdly by a chronic lack of sleep. The running you do probably contributes to it as well. B. If you don't change those habits it is going to keep recurring until it spreads, and kills you. C. Your doctor is probably clueless on these issues and his work is probably the equivalent of sticking a band aid on a gaping wound.
She got really mad, and went ahead shouting all sorts of rationalizations over the phone, about finances (for eating right), about what the doctor said, etc.
I repeated myself, and added that while there are probably other contributing factors (cited by her doctor), none are the determining factors, and none are even significant in the face of eating, sunshine, sleep, and oxidative stress from "chronic cardio".
I said I know I am not a doctor, but your doctor is an idiot on these things, and will not save you. This is going to keep recurring, keep getting worse, and eventually kill you -- and the finances spent fixing these habits are trivial compared to the doctor bills.
She continued shouting. I stopped talking and eventually said good bye, and hung up.
Two days later I am staying at her house in Orlando, and after seeing me and witnessing the way I eat, she is singing a different tune, and is going to start training with Drew Baye, and I think through him, understand how to eat better (which will then probably bring her back to asking me how to eat).
To directly answer your question, I think the line is drawn on stating the facts of reality by the best of your judgement, as they pertain to the full logical conclusion of a given course of action. No fluff, no beating around the bush.
"To the furthest extent of my knowledge, if you keep eating that way, you are going to get sick, suffer, and die. Your doctor is an idiot on these things, and knows very little, if anything of value. I am staking my life on this knowledge, have eaten this way for a long, long time, and will continue to do so, with continuous improvements as I learn more and more.
At the same time, I am responsible for my daughter's health, well being, and life until she is an adult. I refuse to see her fed certain foods, and would, and do, stake her life as I do my own on eating specific foods that I KNOW are best for her."
Your daughter is probably best on breast milk for as long as possible, depending on the diet of her mother.